Part 1 of 3: When You Become the Advocate – Helping a Parent Through the Healthcare Maze
How to Advocate for Your Parent When Doctor Visits Leave Them Confused or Dismissed
You love your parent. You want to help. And when they call you after a doctor’s appointment and say, “It went fine,” you want to believe that everything is under control. But sometimes, your gut tells you there’s more to the story.
Maybe they forgot to mention a new medication. Maybe they didn’t ask the questions they’d planned to. Or maybe they were too overwhelmed, too polite, or too uncertain to say what they really needed to during the visit.
As a nurse and advocate, I see this all the time. It’s not that your parent is trying to hide things—it’s that navigating today’s healthcare system is incredibly hard, especially for older adults. The ‘system’ is just that, it is designed to get them ‘in and out’. There is not a lot of time for them to feel like they can even ask a question.
Why what they tell you isn’t always the whole story:
They don’t remember everything that was said
They didn’t feel comfortable asking questions
They misunderstood the instructions or diagnosis
They didn’t want to “bother” the doctor—or you
They felt dismissed, and shut down, and rushed
This doesn’t mean your parent isn’t capable. It just means the system wasn’t designed to support people in being heard, especially when they’re scared or confused.
What You Can Do as an Adult Child or Advocate:
Ask open-ended questions after appointments
Instead of “Did everything go okay?” try:
“What did the doctor say about your meds?” or
“Did you feel like you got all your questions answered?”
Encourage writing things down (or offer to do it)
A simple notebook or shared digital note can make a big difference—especially if multiple siblings are involved.
Offer to attend or follow up
Even if you can’t go to the appointment, calling the office for a visit summary or requesting a medication list can help fill in the blanks.
Know it’s okay to double-check
Confirming things with a provider isn’t overstepping—it’s protecting your parent and helping them stay safely on track.
You’re Not Being Overbearing. You’re Being Wise.
When you start stepping into a more active role in your parent’s care, it can feel awkward at first. You don’t want to make them feel incapable—but you also don’t want to miss something important.
This is where advocacy becomes essential. You can still honor their independence and gently support them in a system that often leaves patients on their own to figure things out.
If you’re in this spot now—or know it’s coming soon—I’m here to help.
