Part 2 of 3: When you Become the Advocate- Helping a Parent Through the Healthcare Maze

Behind the scenes: The support they don’t always see but feel

In Part 1, we talked about what happens when your parent walks out of a doctor’s office feeling confused, brushed off, or unsure of what was just said. Now, let’s talk about the part that happens after the visit—the part that often falls on you.

Because once the appointment is over, the follow-up begins.

Prescriptions need to be filled. Prior authorizations get denied. Medications aren’t covered. One provider says to check with another. And your parent is left holding a dozen puzzle pieces, unsure how they’re supposed to fit together.

That’s where your behind-the-scenes advocacy becomes powerful.

They May Not Know Where to Start—But You Can Step In to help

Older adults often feel overwhelmed when dealing with pharmacy or insurance issues. They’re not being passive or avoiding responsibility—they’re exhausted by a system that isn’t easy for them to navigate.

You can support them by stepping into key roles:

Step in to make sure that they have their medications in a timely manner

Have you ever gotten a call that the prescription wasn’t ready, only to discover the doctor never sent it in? Or that the pharmacy didn’t have it in stock?

This is common—and solvable.

• Pro tip: Call the pharmacy directly to confirm receipt and availability of new prescriptions.
  

• Ask for medication synchronization: This is a service that allows your parent’s prescriptions to be refilled on the same day each month, rather than scattered throughout the month. This simplifies pickup or delivery, reduces missed doses, and makes managing medications much easier for both them and you.

• Help them enroll in auto-refill or delivery: Many pharmacies offer this, but it requires setup—and patience.
  
  

Handle the Insurance “No” That Really Means “Try Again”

Insurance denials can feel final, but they’re often just the start of a longer process.

• If a medication isn’t covered, ask the pharmacy what the denial reason was. Then contact the prescribing office and ask if they’ll initiate a prior authorization or consider an alternative.

• If something was denied after a hospital stay, reach out to the case manager or discharge planner. There may be a workaround or secondary option.
  
  

Remember: You speaking up often gets the process moving faster than your parent trying to navigate confusing phone trees and hold times.

Become a Friendly, Persistent Voice on the Care Team

Your parent likely has more than one provider—and those providers don’t always talk to each other.

• Create a one-page medication and diagnosis summary you can bring to every visit (or send ahead). This keeps everyone on the same page.

• Don’t be afraid to call the office: “Hi, I’m helping my mom manage her care. She saw Dr. Smith yesterday and was prescribed a new medication. Can you confirm it’s been sent to the pharmacy?”

• Ask about care coordination: Some clinics have a care manager or nurse navigator who can be your inside connection for keeping things straight.
  
  

This Is the Work of Advocacy. It’s Not Always Visible, But It Matters Deeply.

When you step in to sort out confusing instructions, find a missing prescription, or untangle an insurance issue, your parent might not see every step you took—but they’ll feel the difference. They’ll feel more at ease, more supported, and less alone in the process.

You’re not overstepping. You’re showing up. You’re being a steady hand in a system that too often leaves people to figure things out on their own. And that quiet, consistent support? It’s what holds everything together.

To your parent, it’s more than help—it’s love in action, and it makes all the difference.

Need help getting organized—or want to stop feeling like you’re guessing your way through?

Let’s talk.
Schedule your free 30-minute discovery call, and we’ll walk through what’s going on behind the scenes—and how to make it easier.

Part 1 of 3: When You Become the Advocate – Helping a Parent Through the Healthcare Maze

How to Advocate for Your Parent When Doctor Visits Leave Them Confused or Dismissed

You love your parent. You want to help. And when they call you after a doctor’s appointment and say, “It went fine,” you want to believe that everything is under control. But sometimes, your gut tells you there’s more to the story.

Maybe they forgot to mention a new medication. Maybe they didn’t ask the questions they’d planned to. Or maybe they were too overwhelmed, too polite, or too uncertain to say what they really needed to during the visit.

As a nurse and advocate, I see this all the time. It’s not that your parent is trying to hide things—it’s that navigating today’s healthcare system is incredibly hard, especially for older adults. The ‘system’ is just that, it is designed to get them ‘in and out’. There is not a lot of time for them to feel like they can even ask a question.

Why what they tell you isn’t always the whole story:

• They don’t remember everything that was said
  
  

• They didn’t feel comfortable asking questions
  
  

• They misunderstood the instructions or diagnosis
  
  

• They didn’t want to “bother” the doctor—or you
  
  

• They felt dismissed, and shut down, and rushed
  

  This doesn’t mean your parent isn’t capable. It just means the system wasn’t designed to support people in being heard, especially when they’re scared or confused.

  What You Can Do as an Adult Child or Advocate:

  • Ask open-ended questions after appointments
    Instead of “Did everything go okay?” try:
    “What did the doctor say about your meds?” or
    “Did you feel like you got all your questions answered?”
    
    

  • Encourage writing things down (or offer to do it)
    A simple notebook or shared digital note can make a big difference—especially if multiple siblings are involved.
    
    

  • Offer to attend or follow up
    Even if you can’t go to the appointment, calling the office for a visit summary or requesting a medication list can help fill in the blanks.
    
    

  • Know it’s okay to double-check
    Confirming things with a provider isn’t overstepping—it’s protecting your parent and helping them stay safely on track.
    
    

    You’re Not Being Overbearing. You’re Being Wise.

  When you start stepping into a more active role in your parent’s care, it can feel awkward at first. You don’t want to make them feel incapable—but you also don’t want to miss something important.

  This is where advocacy becomes essential. You can still honor their independence and gently support them in a system that often leaves patients on their own to figure things out.

  If you’re in this spot now—or know it’s coming soon—I’m here to help.

  Let’s talk.
  Schedule your free 30-minute discovery call and let’s figure out what support looks like for you.
  

Recognizing Early Signs of Memory Loss in Loved Ones: A Compassionate Guide

When the Familiar Starts to Change

When someone you love begins to show subtle lapses in memory or struggles to manage daily tasks as they once did, it can evoke a range of complex emotions. You may have long held a clear and consistent image of this person—capable, sharp, and dependable. So when changes begin to surface, even small ones, it can be deeply unsettling.

The emotional impact of these realizations is not to be underestimated. Grief, fear, confusion, and even guilt may arise. It may feel counterintuitive, but when you begin to notice signs of memory loss in someone close to you, the first step is to look inward. Taking time to process your own emotions is essential. Only by doing so can you respond with the clarity, presence, and compassion that your loved one truly needs.

Looking Inward First: Why Your Emotions Matter

It may sound strange to begin by focusing on yourself when the concern is someone else's health—but doing so is both wise and necessary. When emotions run high, it’s easy to slip into panic or begin over-interpreting isolated behaviors. Fear, especially, can cloud our perspective.

It’s entirely normal to feel anxious in the face of these changes. Our minds often leap to worst-case scenarios—diagnoses, long-term care, decline, and loss. These fears are shaped by personal experiences: perhaps you witnessed a grandparent decline due to dementia, or maybe a friend has shared the overwhelming demands of caregiving. These reference points, whether direct or indirect, color our perception and heighten our anxiety.

By acknowledging and working through your own emotional response, you can create the space to be present and attuned to the person in front of you. From this grounded perspective, you can begin to observe—gently, without judgment.

Becoming a Compassionate Observer

Once you feel ready, the next step is to become an observer—curious, present, and caring. Start from a place of non-judgment and patience. A single episode of forgetfulness, such as repeating a story or misplacing keys, is not necessarily a sign of serious memory loss.

Instead, pay attention to consistent changes over time. Patterns of difficulty with memory, language, or completing familiar tasks may signal something more significant.

For example, you might notice repeated missed appointments, confusion with managing finances, difficulty following a conversation, or trouble navigating familiar places.

It’s these cumulative, ongoing shifts—not isolated incidents—that may suggest a deeper concern.

Why Your Approach Matters

Your approach to what you’re observing can make all the difference in how your loved one receives your care. No one wants to admit they are struggling with memory. This person—regardless of their role in your life—has likely spent decades being independent, reliable, and responsible. They may have even spent considerable time trying to cover up the changes you're only now beginning to see.

They are likely feeling extremely vulnerable and afraid. They may sense their world shifting and hold tightly to the parts of their life they still control. This internal struggle often shows up as outward emotional responses.

These may include frustration when corrected, deflecting conversations about their memory, withdrawing from social interactions, or becoming unusually irritable or anxious.

Understanding this vulnerability is key. Your loved one may be frightened, aware that something is changing but unsure how to voice it. They may fear judgment, loss of independence, or becoming a burden. By approaching the situation with empathy and patience, you help maintain their dignity while providing the support they need.

What to Do Next: Gentle Steps Toward Support

Once you've taken time to process your own emotions and begun observing your loved one with care and compassion, you may feel ready to take the next steps. These don’t have to be dramatic or immediate. In fact, gentle and thoughtful actions can often be the most effective.

Start by keeping a quiet, respectful record of the changes you’re noticing. Note the frequency, patterns, and any shifts in daily functioning. This will be helpful later if you decide to seek medical guidance. Approach conversations with your loved one slowly and without pressure. Begin by asking open-ended questions, such as:

• “I’ve noticed you’ve had a little trouble finding the right word lately—have you noticed that too?”

• “You seemed frustrated when the calendar didn’t make sense the other day. How are you feeling about things lately?”

These gentle openings allow room for honesty without putting someone on the defensive. When the time feels right, suggesting a visit to a healthcare provider—ideally one they already know and trust—can be framed as a way to “check in” rather than a major confrontation.

Caring for the Caregiver: Don't Forget Yourself

Supporting a loved one through memory loss can be emotionally and physically taxing. As roles shift, it’s easy to become overwhelmed. You may feel a sense of responsibility to hold everything together, but it’s crucial to remember that you cannot pour from an empty cup.

Make time to care for your own emotional well-being. This could mean journaling, speaking with a counselor, or connecting with a support group. Sharing your experience with others who understand can be incredibly grounding.

Set realistic boundaries where you can, and ask for help when needed. You are not alone in this. Seeking support is not a sign of weakness—it’s a vital part of sustaining the energy and compassion required to care well for someone else.

Helpful Resources to Explore

If you’re navigating this for the first time, know that there are many organizations and tools available to guide you. Here are a few to consider:

• Alzheimer’s Association (www.alz.org): Offers information, support groups, and a 24/7 helpline.

• Family Caregiver Alliance (www.caregiver.org): Provides educational resources and support services for caregivers.

• Local memory clinics or geriatric care centers: These can offer assessments and connect you with specialists.

• Your primary care provider: Often a good starting point for referrals and initial evaluations.

These resources can help you feel less isolated and more empowered as you take this journey alongside your loved one.